Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee: Social Media
A Self-Help Summary
I first read this book in autumn 2020. In it, author Celeste Headlee urges readers to slow down, stop rushing frantically through life, and turn their attention back towards what is truly meaningful. She explains why so many of us are self-proclaimed workaholics nowadays, why we must redirect our focus onto building and sustaining intimate relationships, and why truly restorative leisure is vital to our humanity. She gently and convincingly argues that real contentment will only be within our reach if we start prioritising our health, passions, dreams and community over desperately trying to increase our income. She also presents the reasons so many of us feel harried all the time – a great deal of which relate to our use of our devices. Over half of the Work actions are only really applicable to those who have some autonomy over how they spend their working hours and can, to some extent, control the number they put in, as well as whose jobs are heavy on email. Nonetheless, I am in no doubt that almost everyone would benefit from reading what Celeste has to say. To hear her talking about it herself, see episode 152 of the Best of Both Worlds podcast.
To get the most out of these lessons I have distilled in the form of a Self-Help Summary, I recommend reading over them, then, if they resonate with you, buying and reading the book. This is the best way to cement the author’s teachings in your mind, and boost your chances of applying them to your daily life.
Social Media
30 Don’t do things for social media’s sake.
If you regularly find yourself going to certain places or doing certain things mainly because you want a positive reaction from people after you post about it on social media – stop immediately. Looking for approval in this way will inevitably affect your mental health for the worse. Do things because you enjoy doing them, because you feel enriched and refreshed afterwards, not because they are photo worthy.
31 Use social media to interact – not peruse.
The main benefit of social media is that it allows us to stay updated on what our friends and family are up to in a way we couldn’t have been in the past, which inevitably adds joy to our lives. The critical issue, however, is that the vast majority of us only use social media for this purpose a fraction of the time. Most of the time, we use it to scan and study what famous people, ‘influencers’, and people we know but would never speak to, are posting about. This causes our brains to make comparisons between us and them, which usually leaves us feeling envious and worse about our own lives. Try unfollowing or unfriending those you don’t actually interact with in a healthy way. Trust that this will make the relationships you have – both with other humans and with your social media accounts – more positive.
32 Check in with social media at most once a day.
To further protect ourselves from the detrimental effects of social media, Celeste suggests we make a point of only engaging with each platform we use once a day. Preferably, this should be done at a specific time, for a limited time: say 15 minutes before dinner. We should make a concerted effort to actually interact with people too. Remember, browsing to see what others have been talking about, or have supposedly been doing, is not a good use of our time. There aren’t many things more mildly depressing than realising you’ve just wasted an hour or more of your life mindlessly scrolling. Don’t feel the need to rely on your own willpower to make these changes, though. The easier you can make something for yourself the better, especially when it comes to forming or changing habits. There are umpteen apps out there which can help you to curb your social media usage, or unplug altogether.
33 Accurately compare yourself to only those around you.
As mentioned in Action 31, when we spend too much time looking at random peoples’ curated feeds it negatively affects our mental health. Celeste expands on this from page 186 to 191. In brief, she points out that it is not comparing ourselves to others that is innately toxic, but making unrealistic comparisons. When we accurately compare ourselves to those we are close to – physically (i.e. neighbours) or emotionally (i.e. loved ones) – as people in previous generations did, it can motivate and inspire us. On the other hand, unlike our parents and grandparents had to grapple with, being able to compare ourselves to celebrities and people whose lives are centred around creating content for social media can have devastating consequences.
‘Accurately compare’ is the operative term. Comparing yourself to your friends and family can still be hazardous if you only use what they post on social media to do so. You might, for example, see a stream of pictures of your friend and their partner on holiday, and feel down that you don’t currently have the money to take lavish trips, or a significant other to go away with. However, if you reached out to them to ask how the trip went, they might reveal that they ended up getting food poisoning, or argued with their partner daily, reminding you that travelling can be overrated or that you love being solo. For comparison to be healthy, it must be accurate, based on fact.
34 Take a social media hiatus.
If, after reading the four previous Actions, you’re thinking “There’s no chance I’ll ever manage that”, you may be in need of a long, social media hiatus. If you are so deeply immersed in the world of social media that your life revolves around it, taking a complete break may be the only way forward. That may seem even more unachievable than the foregoing suggestions, but sometimes giving yourself no choice in the matter is easier than enforcing limits upon yourself. Deactivate all of your accounts and choose a date for when you can reactivate them if you want to – at least a week later. Tell a loved one what you’re doing and why, so you can go to them for support when you’re jonesing to scroll. Come up with some other strategies to distract yourself when your fingers are itching as well, such as flicking through an online book or magazine, or texting a friend. This will give you space and time to reflect on: 1) why you feel the need to use social media so often; 2) how your relationship with it impacts your life; 3) whether you could do with strengthening your in-person relationships; 4) how you want to show up in your life going forward – in a more present and authentic way?; and 5) what truly brings you joy. Try to recall your Play History activities (see Action 6) and brainstorm how you could incorporate similar activities into your adult life. If your first attempt is unsuccessful, don’t give up; maybe some professional advice would help, such as that provided by the Digital Detox course by Time to Log Off. I very recently heard about the book Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now, written by the renowned Silicon Valley computer scientist Jaron Lanier, which sounds like it would be quite persuasive too.