If Only We Could Start Sorting Ourselves Out Before We Hit 20

In her TED talk, Jane Fonda discusses life’s third act – life from the ages of 60 to 90. It follows that life’s first and second acts occur from the ages of 0 to 30, and from 30 to 60.

In childhood, we are at the mercy of our surroundings, which partly shape the adolescents and adults we become.

If we were allowed to shed the baggage we gained in childhood by the end of our first act, we would have the greatest chance of using our unique gifts to make a positive impact on the world, and of living a truly fulfilled and contented life.

I was around the age of 26 when I first learned that social anxiety was what had been consistently causing me to struggle for as long as I could remember. It wasn’t until I was 31 that I came across The Social Anxiety Institute – the first resource that seemed like it might finally help me in a meaningful way. It is only now, aged 35, with a two-year old daughter, that I can glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am extremely grateful that I started my journey of discovery when I did. As a woman who comes from a family with a history of early menopause, there is a distinct possibility that by the time I am 45 the focus of my life will have shifted to dealing with the symptoms of menopause – many of which are mental. What chance would I have of conquering my social anxiety if I was already in the midst of that when I first tried?

What I want to see, is young people being given the tools, and taught the techniques, to free themselves of whatever is holding them back from being their best selves before they turn 20. Then they would at least have a fighting chance of beginning their second act somewhat unburdened.

By the time we reach our second act, many of us are already in the position where we need to devote much of our time to adult responsibilities, like our children, or keeping on top of our family’s finances etc. Our own personal needs and struggles often have to be put on the backburner. If we do have children, they might also inadvertently affect them, which might make us feel guilty and in some ways worse, and so on and so forth.

If, instead of reaching the milestones I did at 25, 30, and 35, I could have learned what I needed to know to reach them at 15, 20 and 25, who knows where I’d be today! I want all young people to be able to start their journeys of healing whatever they need to heal before their teenage years end.

While I think that we are all destined to travel down certain paths, I also think we are here to smooth out bumps in the road for those who will travel them after us. As is written in Here We Are: Notes for Living on Planet Earth by Oliver Jeffers (one of our family favourite children’s books):

“Though we have come a long way, we haven’t quite worked everything out, so there is plenty left for you to do. You will figure lots of things out for yourself. Just remember to leave notes for everyone else.”