This post is about using topics in relation to those we are already close to, as opposed to those we don’t know very well, which was the subject of my last couple of posts, all of which I initially learned about thanks to Alison Wood Brooks’ book Talk.
LINK TO PREVIOUS TWO TOPICS POSTS HERE – Intro to Topics and Favourite Topics and How to Use Them
Starting to utilise topics with those we already know well involves a little bit of pre-planning and debriefing.
First, before you see the person, if you know in advance that you’re going to, think about and take some notes on the following:
What did you speak about the last time you saw them that you could refer back to?
What might have happened in their life since you last spoke that you can or should remember to ask about?
What might be on their mind that might be fun, productive, or important to discuss?
What can you share that might be interesting, fun, or helpful to them?
Read over the answers you jot down a few times to give your brain a helping hand in recalling them when the time comes to do so. If you make your notes on your phone you might be able to glance at them without the other person noticing once you’re together, but ideally you won’t have to. The point isn’t to remember and cover every single point you’ve noted down, but just to have some topics to hand should the conversation require some forward momentum. It’s important to remain as present as you can with whoever you’re with, and if you remember to bring up some of the topics you jotted down beforehand that’s just the icing on the cake.
To save yourself the work of pre-planning in future, after spending time with someone you know, take five minutes or so to debrief. Recall what you spoke about together and edit your topics notes accordingly. What did they talk about that you could ask them about next time you see them?
Ideally you will end up with something like a note on your phone that has the names of all those you are close to as headings, with notes on topics to discuss with them underneath. Then, whenever you think of something you want to discuss with them, or think they’d enjoy discussing with you, you can easily add it to the list. A quick read through before you see them again, and you’re good to go!
I recommend adding your list of favourite topics with their corresponding questions to this note as well, to help keep them fresh in your mind.
My next and last post on this topic of topics will cover some general topic-use tips.
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Really interesting 😊